Friendship

Written by: OLUWADABIRA JOY

Need A New Friend? 

Sometimes you just have to make new friends. Perhaps old friendships have faded away or moved away, or perhaps you are in a new environment where you don’t know a lot of people yet or you just feel like making new friends. One thing people don't understand is that friendships are crucial to health and well-being, anyone who has great friendships rarely go into depression, even if they do true friends won't allow you to wallow in depression, they'll surround you and draw you out. Building new friendships will take time, but you will soon find friends who will be there for you in no matter what, when and where they are.

Preparing Yourself For Incoming Friends

*Be the kind of friend you want your friends to be to you:
A cat and a mouse can never be friends no matter what some scenes in Tom and Jerry made us believe. They just don't have anything in common. If you want a selfless friend, be selfless. It's only in magnets that opposites attract, there's always something in you that is in that other friend also. You attract who you are. Though there are some exceptions to this.

*Avoid being a predator or prey friend: 

Like I said above, a cat and a mouse can never be friends, they may agree once or twice just like Tom and Jerry in some episodes. No matter where they are, there'll always be commotion. Simply cos they don't think alike and this is very dangerous for the health of the two. Another type of predating-prey friendship is selecting people that are not up to you as your friends just to look better. If you are a prey in any of your friendships, be up and quick and end the friendship.

* Be positive and accepting:

 Don't place yourself on a high pedestal and look down on people that would have approached you otherwise. You will attract people to you by accepting yourself and by accepting who they are. Don’t start off by complaining about the faults of past friends or the difficulty of meeting new people. Instead, emphasize the positive. Express interest in the people you meet, be interested and attentive in whatever they are communicating with you. Present yourself in an up-beat, friendly way.

Meeting New People 

* Go to places where you know you will meet people that share your core values, a decent lady will never find a friend amidst touts, if she chooses her friends from touts, give it time, one of them will influence the other and most times its the bad that influence the good.

* Imbibe in a new hobby: 

Apart from the hobbies you already have, taking up a new one would widen the scope of meeting new people that have similar interests at places created for these hobbies. Hobbies such as reading, writing, singing, pottery, drawing, tinkering etc.

* Volunteer: 

Working together in a common cause will help you to develop closer connections with new people.
A regular volunteer commitment allows you to get to know people over time. Sign up to tutor with your local school system or church.
Other volunteer commitments might be briefer but more intense. Working together on a planning team can forge significant bonds, especially in the weeks leading up to a major event.

* Keep showing up: 

One time chat won't make you friends. If you've had several interactions with someone, it’s much easier to become friends. But after a several months of doing something side-by-side, friendships are bound to develop. Proximity aids new friendships.

Selecting Your Friends 

* Believe in the law of attraction: 

Just as in romantic relationships, friendships are based on mutual attraction. If you find yourself looking forward to seeing someone again and when you meet the person, you feel happy or soul lifted and you enjoy spending time with them, chances are that you’ve found a potential new friend. This might sound obvious, but when you’re lonely, it can be tempting to grab on to anything that seems like friendship. Real friends, though, make you feel genuinely happy. You should laugh together and look forward to hanging out. If something feels off, it probably is. Let that person go and keep meeting new people.

* Find common ground: 

Choose friends who can understand if share important aspects of your life. People are often friends with people similar to them, and there’s nothing wrong with that. You might bond over similar past experiences or shared challenges.
Establish connections by talking about what you have in common.
If you hear someone quote your favorite movie or song or book or even a store, tell them that you love it, too. Ask questions and offer examples from your own life. Don't be parasitic by hearing them talk about themselves and not sharing about yourself. The budding friendship will die a quick death.

* Be open minded: 

 Make sure that you are open to friends who might challenge some of your assumptions. The best friends help to broaden our horizons.

Look for organizations that have a range of different people in them.

Remember that everyone has many different aspects.
Someone might come from a very different sort of family, but have precisely the same kind of enthusiasm for PS as you do!

Having different oriented set of friends helps you to relate to a wider range of people. You learn more about the world, with positive results not only for your social life, but your professional life as well.

* Choose friends who can back you up no matter how silly you are and who you can lean on in trying times.

 A good friend doesn’t have to agree with everything you say. But they must care about your life and listen to you. You need friends who will respond to you and support you on your own path. If someone never laughs at your jokes or gets angry on your behalf, they’re not going to make real friends.

* Don't be blind to how people treat their other friends:

 If someone is friendly to you, but downright mean to other people, or if they spend a lot of time gossiping about their other friends’ flaws and life, they are unlikely to become a really good friend. In the end, they will treat you the way they treat their other friends.

* Don’t slam the door: 

Even if a new friendship doesn’t take off, treat that person politely and respectfully. People change over time and develop mutual common ground and vice versa, and you just might find yourself growing closer to them later on. Most likely during common challenge or craving the same hobby.